It helps to resign as the controller of your fate. All that energy we expend to keep things running right is not what keeps things running right. (Anne Lamott)
Story of my life.
From the day I was born, I wanted my own way, I’ve been told.
Growing up, my getting my way pretty much determined the peace and happiness in our home, I’ve been told.
As a teenager, getting my own way included secretly seeing a forbidden boyfriend for most of a year. I never told.
About that time a friend took me to a Christmas camp—to learn to ski and to meet cute boys. Which I did. But I also met Jesus, though I didn’t realize it at the time. What I did realize was that I made an exchange: I told God I chose His way instead of mine. It was a very real transaction.
I thought it was a done deal.
I soon discovered, however, that it is never a done deal. Every day of my life—sometimes many times a day—in little things and big decisions—I get to choose. Will I insist on my own way, or will I choose His way?
Like when I was sure God was calling me into full-time ministry. My fiancé was sure God was not calling him to that. Such a hard choice. God’s plan was better.
Or when a man with less experience than I had was given the job I thought I should have. Such a growing time. God’s plan was better.
And when I wanted out of a relationship with the man who took five years to decide he wanted to get married. Such a long time. He was worth waiting for—God’s plan was definitely better.
I could go on…and on. The longer I walk with God, the more quickly I remember that His plan is always better.
But sometimes it still isn’t easy at all. Like now.
People I care about are breaking apart. Selfishness and childishness make appearances. Hurt and anger respond. Loss and undoing seem to be winning.
So much sadness—for them, in me. I want to fix it. I try. I talk. I plead. I pray.
Then I read Annie Lamott’s penetrating words. I can’t keep things running right. (Even when I’m sure I know what’s right.)
And I come back to what God has told me over and over:
I am the Lord. In its time I will do this swiftly. (Isaiah 60:22)
His plan is always better, I’m telling you.
What about you? When has God asked you to make a hard choice?
C2012 Judy Douglass